Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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