There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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