In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
