There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
