no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
