just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
