don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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