1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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