the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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