no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize