Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
