she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
