so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
