he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
