I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
