I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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