i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
