If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
