Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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