I must be too annoying 4 u.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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