East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
