So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Randomize
