**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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