I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize