I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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