After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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