they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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