I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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