So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize