Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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