Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
