Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
