Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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