i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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