I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
