Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
