They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
