Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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