Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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