Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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