so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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