Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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