that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
