To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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