If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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