i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
