dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
