does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
