Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
