if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
