I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
