So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
