i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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