dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
