My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
