I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
