so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
