College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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