Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
