i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
