Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
it's like heaven, but drunker
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Is Oprah even human
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
