I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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