Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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