I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
